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Hippie-Liar

The temperature hovered around zero all week, and Lily and I spent anywhere from half an hour to an hour outside each day. We missed one. I did a whole host of other things; administrative, creative, studious, teachery.

As I sit here at the end of the week, looking at a huge pile of things in the big, messy done section (it will have more order next week), the things that stand out to me as the most valuable were the times that Lily and I went outside.

We’ve gone outside a lot this year, but just before the break we went outside after about a week of staying in. We bounded around, every few moments, calling one another over to some new frozen wonder, before splitting off (staying within earshot) and exploring more. We almost didn’t go outside this day, because it felt too cold.

After a while I said to that I felt so good, and that I couldn’t think of a time that I went outside, just to spend time outside, that I didn’t feel so glad that I did! Lily wholeheartedly agreed with the sentiment. We set an intention to go outside together every day.

We’ve done pretty good with it, I think we’ve missed two days since then.

I want to start setting myself up to spend more and more time outside.

As I sit here holding everyone to their agreement to engage in the reflective cycle, quite frankly, don’t really know what the heck to write about myself. I want their posts to mean something to them, and a want them to articulate the value in their experience, using the documentation we’ve accumulated during the week to express the value in their experience. Looking at my own week, through the lense of this moment, the thing that seems like I used my life more fully was when I spent time playing outside. I can identify with Milo and Jesse’s hesitation to commit to something, because they don’t want to deal with failing in their commitment, because I don’t want to say, publicly, that I will spend more time outside, and then not do it, and then feel like a liar-liar earthlover-pants-on-fire.

But I do want to spend more time outside. And I have nothing stopping me from doing that. In fact, I have soooo much in support of my doing it! I live in an ecovillage! I have a kid who will always (almost always) say “YES” to going outside, I have an extraordinary amount of freedom with my time and life energy. I have designed a spectacular life/lifestyle around the importance of getting outside and connecting with Her. And I don’t do it very much. I spend way, way more time on the computer than I do on the soil. And I don’t want to admit it. I don’t want to say it. I want to see myself in a way that does not force me to acknowledge the places wherein I am out of my integrity.

Saying that I want to spend more time outside acknowledges the failure in my integrity to live the way I have committed to. Where else have I fallen out of my integrity?*

Even when I step outside for a moment it feels tottally worth it, magical, and healing. I remember what is important in an silent flash of the absolute assurance of my insignificance.

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I just stepped outside.

When I came back in Lily asked, “why’dya go out there?”

“Just to remember how much I love going out there.”

 

 

* : )

 

 

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